I am so sorry! Aisley was our biter...hard to believe now! Mostly, she did it to control others...anger, frustration, etc. And she was Clark's age when it started. Good news, it didn't last long. Communication skills increased. Self-control grows. And we disciplined. Time will pass and this will be a memory.
But what to do? Well, two things...punish and train. Not news, I know! My thing with the punishment is that no one thing is the right thing. Find what he hates and use it against him! With Brennan I could take away a sleep toy and that would turn behavior in an instant. Aisley would just throw it at me and glare. Spankings were effective with Cassie...just hardened Aisley's heart even more.
But she couldn't stand time out...would do almost anything to get out of it...so we used that with her. Also, in the beginning, we did return a "bite" to her, trying to get her to see the pain she's causing. We didn't do it every time, only in the beginning as we put her on her bed. Then left her there for a while...mostly we had to wait until she quit screaming about being alone...then we started the clock for 4-5 minutes or so.
After she calmed down following the punishment, we worked on discovering the trigger for this episode...was it that Bren was taking a toy away...was I moving her from an activity...what's the deal? We worked on giving her words to say that would express what she was feeling and the good actions she could do if the words don't work. Like, "Brennan, please give me that back." And if Brennan doesn't...come get me because I will always help you...etc.
After that, notice the trends and avoid what you can until he grows some more. Does he do it when you move him from an activity quickly? Give him a heads up that his time is coming to an end. "5 minutes and then we're cleaning up the balls." Transitions are very hard for some kids.
Is it just that he wants what he wants when he wants it? Tell him from the beginning that you know he's not going to be happy, but that you need him to control himself and listen...and don't you dare try to bite me or you'll ______ .
When he does use words, better actions, maybe throws a fit, but doesn't bite...tell him how happy it makes your heart that he is trying to grow in obedience. Just use words that express praise for what God is doing in him.
And then wait and pray for the Lord to change his heart of stone to a heart of flesh that Clark might obey His statutes!
Long comment, Shannon...but you knew that was coming...at least it didn't take 4 hours...imagine if you were here!
great ideas! his is more out of just being enraged and having to do something he doesn't want to do (get buckled in a car seat, come in from outside)...it is getting less frequent as he is gaining more words. thanks for praying with me in this!
bad parent warning... a friend of mine said she bit her son and he never bit again. my father-in-law said he did the same with his kids (and they all think he's great!). so, when kevin bit me for the first time... i bit him back. not very hard, but he never bit me (or anyone else) again. kinda funny that i bit my kid but i dont spank them!!! but now that it's a habit for clark, i dont know if biting him back would work. plus, you'd have to join the caveman parent club. you probably dont want to do that.
5 comments:
I am so sorry! Aisley was our biter...hard to believe now! Mostly, she did it to control others...anger, frustration, etc. And she was Clark's age when it started. Good news, it didn't last long. Communication skills increased. Self-control grows. And we disciplined. Time will pass and this will be a memory.
But what to do? Well, two things...punish and train. Not news, I know! My thing with the punishment is that no one thing is the right thing. Find what he hates and use it against him! With Brennan I could take away a sleep toy and that would turn behavior in an instant. Aisley would just throw it at me and glare. Spankings were effective with Cassie...just hardened Aisley's heart even more.
But she couldn't stand time out...would do almost anything to get out of it...so we used that with her. Also, in the beginning, we did return a "bite" to her, trying to get her to see the pain she's causing. We didn't do it every time, only in the beginning as we put her on her bed. Then left her there for a while...mostly we had to wait until she quit screaming about being alone...then we started the clock for 4-5 minutes or so.
After she calmed down following the punishment, we worked on discovering the trigger for this episode...was it that Bren was taking a toy away...was I moving her from an activity...what's the deal? We worked on giving her words to say that would express what she was feeling and the good actions she could do if the words don't work. Like, "Brennan, please give me that back." And if Brennan doesn't...come get me because I will always help you...etc.
After that, notice the trends and avoid what you can until he grows some more. Does he do it when you move him from an activity quickly? Give him a heads up that his time is coming to an end. "5 minutes and then we're cleaning up the balls." Transitions are very hard for some kids.
Is it just that he wants what he wants when he wants it? Tell him from the beginning that you know he's not going to be happy, but that you need him to control himself and listen...and don't you dare try to bite me or you'll ______ .
When he does use words, better actions, maybe throws a fit, but doesn't bite...tell him how happy it makes your heart that he is trying to grow in obedience. Just use words that express praise for what God is doing in him.
And then wait and pray for the Lord to change his heart of stone to a heart of flesh that Clark might obey His statutes!
Long comment, Shannon...but you knew that was coming...at least it didn't take 4 hours...imagine if you were here!
great ideas! his is more out of just being enraged and having to do something he doesn't want to do (get buckled in a car seat, come in from outside)...it is getting less frequent as he is gaining more words. thanks for praying with me in this!
You shouldn't have left the garlic at Kim's house.
bad parent warning... a friend of mine said she bit her son and he never bit again. my father-in-law said he did the same with his kids (and they all think he's great!). so, when kevin bit me for the first time... i bit him back. not very hard, but he never bit me (or anyone else) again. kinda funny that i bit my kid but i dont spank them!!! but now that it's a habit for clark, i dont know if biting him back would work. plus, you'd have to join the caveman parent club. you probably dont want to do that.
Good lord...the whole thumb, you must taste sweet.
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